“Those who know your name put their trust in you, for you have not
forsaken those who seek you, O LORD.” Psalm 9:10
I’m not sure how far back I should start, where the beginning of this story is. This is a long one…
Two years ago the LORD blessed me with a beautiful little ewe lamb, Tiffany. She’s out of stock that I’d purchased, she was born here and she was the first one that I was really excited about. This September I bought a ram that I was also pretty excited about. This was a really powerful genetic line that I wanted to continue to breed.
This is Tiffany’s first year lambing, and that is something that always makes me a bit nervous. Yesterday morning it appeared that she was starting to lamb. Throughout the course of the day, only one thing happened – the water bag had popped. I had been watching her, and after internal exams (up to my elbows for quite some time), shots and several calls to the Vet, she told me that if she doesn’t have those lambs in an hour, then something drastic will need to be done to save the lambs, which meant a C-section. I had been told a few years ago by another Vet that C-sections in sheep are costly not only to the checkbook, but maybe the lambs will make it, if it’s not too late already, and maybe the ewe will make it through, and after, the surgery. Even if she does, she can never be bred again.
This was incredibly disheartening. I kept trying to gently but firmly pull that lamb out, but he wouldn’t budge. An hour had passed. She was so weak and in pain, and every injury that I’ve had over the last year was aching so I couldn’t even get off the barn floor. The entire time I had been praying that the LORD would somehow intervene and help get this lamb out alive, but nothing was happening. In fact, it seemed like everything was getting worse. It was about 2:30pm, and Tiffany had given up, I had given up. Mom and I had made the decision that she would be put down the next morning. I sat there on the barn floor with my ewe crying, Tiffany was my baby. There was nothing else I could do, only God could do anything. (Like I could do anything on my own in the first place!) We had figured that by then the poor lamb’s time had run out, that he had died, so we left the barn.
When we got back into the house, I went to my room and prayed. Praying and reading my bible was the only thing I could think to do. Ecclesiastes and Psalms were the two books that I read through, because those were the two that people had said helped them through hard times and were comforting. Besides, I like Psalms. Praying, I gave it all to God, and said:
Father, You do everything for a reason, everything You do has apurpose. I don’t know what the purpose of this is, but may you beglorified in all this!
And I kept repeating this. It was the only thing that kept me from getting angry at myself, or worse yet, God for letting this happen – again. This isn’t the first time nor the second that lambing has gone bad. For the past 6 out of 7 years something has gone wrong, way wrong.
In my reading, the verses that jumped out at me the most were these ones…
“When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,the moon and stars that you set in place -what are mere mortals, that you concern yourself with them;humans, that you watch over them with such care?”Psalm 8:4-5
and Psalm 23, mostly verse 4
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I willfear no evil, for you are with me.”Psalm 23:4
A little later Mom and I were talking and praying for Tiffany. “If God wants her lamb to live, He’ll make it happen, we just need to trust that he will.”
I didn’t go down to the barn at all that night, and Curtis fed the sheep this morning for me. I couldn’t do it, emotionally it was too much for me. I knew that if I went down there, everything from yesterday would come back and I would be down there crying for a long time. I thought that her lambs were dead and that she was going to die soon, and that is hard for me to take, especially since I had invested two years of my life into her.
Mom went to work with me this morning. After being mauled by one of the cows at work late April last year, and then the wreck with my horse a week later that should have killed me (literally), and other injuries, my body is in pretty rough shape. Mom has been telling me for a while that I need to find a new job and quit milking, because that is doing more harm to my body that it’s worth. But, being thick headed and loving my job, I haven’t. That is, until today. This afternoon I called my boss and talked to him about quitting. He really didn’t want me to, but understood that if I can’t continue to milk, then I can’t continue to milk. I used to babysit their kids, then they asked if I wanted to milk the cows; it’s been a real blessing working for that family.
This evening was my last shift in the parlor. I was kind of upset until…
Dad came into the parlor and started talking to Mom. I didn’t really think anything of it. Then Mom told me that I needed to go check on the sheep, that Keeley (another one of my ewes) was lambing. Great, not now! She isn’t due for another 2 weeks! Last year she did the same thing, lambed early and both lambs died because they were premature. I forgot that Dad doesn’t really know which sheep is which. haha!
It wasn’t Keeley!
Tiffany was lambing! Dad had gone down to water the sheep, he just figured that they might be able to use some more water. Tiffany was lambing, on her own! He ended up calling Curtis, and he told him to pull the lamb. The lamb was alive! So he came to get me from work, thankfully work is just down the road from the house! I only had a few minutes to check on the ewe, but she looked pretty good and the lamb was moving around. My first thought was “Baruch HaShem, Blessed are you, LORD! Your compassion is never exhausted!” Then I had to go back to work. I explained everything to Mom, she was so excited that she almost cried, then she had to call her friend in WI and just “Oh my gosh, you’ll never believe this!” Both Mom and I were so happy and utterly shocked, all we could think to say was “Baruch HaShem, I’m sorry for doubting you Abba”
When we FINALLY got home, which felt like it took forever, we went down to the barn. The ewe lamb was doing pretty good, but Tiffany was looking pretty bad. I gave her some Penicillin and Vit. B, and she perked up a bit. I tried to get the lamb to suck, but that wasn’t working. So I milked Tiffany into a bottle and fed her that way. She ate quite a bit! Then Mom and I went up to the house for a little while, ate something for dinner, then I went back down to the barn to put up a heat lamp. Guess what? Tiffany had twins! The second lamb, though, was a big one, and dead. But the ewe is doing alright. She’s absolutely wasted, and when I left her at about 9:45 tonight, she was laying down with her baby, out like a light. Sleep well, my girl, you need it.
After all this, I’ve decided to name her Emunah אמונה meaning Faith or Faithful.
“When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,the moon and stars that you set in place -what are mere mortals, that you concern yourself with them;humans, that you watch over them with such care?”Psalm 8: 4-5
P.S.“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.”
After writing this, early the next morning, I found that Emunah had died during the night. Tiffany was also lost a few days later. This hurt me greatly, for each of my animals are very dear to me. But, knowing that Abba has a plan for everything that happens gives me hope and strength to carry on. I'm not sure why all this happened, but there is a reason. Maybe I will see it later in life, maybe not. The point is to not lose faith, even during a dark and painful time.
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