A Lesson in Faith, אמונה, Jan. 30, 2011

“Those who know your name put their trust in you, for you have not

forsaken those who seek you, O LORD.” Psalm 9:10

I’m not sure how far back I should start, where the beginning of this story is. This is a long one…

Two years ago the LORD blessed me with a beautiful little ewe lamb, Tiffany. She’s out of stock that I’d purchased, she was born here and she was the first one that I was really excited about. This September I bought a ram that I was also pretty excited about. This was a really powerful genetic line that I wanted to continue to breed.

This is Tiffany’s first year lambing, and that is something that always makes me a bit nervous. Yesterday morning it appeared that she was starting to lamb. Throughout the course of the day, only one thing happened – the water bag had popped. I had been watching her, and after internal exams (up to my elbows for quite some time), shots and several calls to the Vet, she told me that if she doesn’t have those lambs in an hour, then something drastic will need to be done to save the lambs, which meant a C-section. I had been told a few years ago by another Vet that C-sections in sheep are costly not only to the checkbook, but maybe the lambs will make it, if it’s not too late already, and maybe the ewe will make it through, and after, the surgery. Even if she does, she can never be bred again.

This was incredibly disheartening. I kept trying to gently but firmly pull that lamb out, but he wouldn’t budge. An hour had passed. She was so weak and in pain, and every injury that I’ve had over the last year was aching so I couldn’t even get off the barn floor. The entire time I had been praying that the LORD would somehow intervene and help get this lamb out alive, but nothing was happening. In fact, it seemed like everything was getting worse. It was about 2:30pm, and Tiffany had given up, I had given up. Mom and I had made the decision that she would be put down the next morning. I sat there on the barn floor with my ewe crying, Tiffany was my baby. There was nothing else I could do, only God could do anything. (Like I could do anything on my own in the first place!) We had figured that by then the poor lamb’s time had run out, that he had died, so we left the barn.

When we got back into the house, I went to my room and prayed. Praying and reading my bible was the only thing I could think to do. Ecclesiastes and Psalms were the two books that I read through, because those were the two that people had said helped them through hard times and were comforting. Besides, I like Psalms. Praying, I gave it all to God, and said:

Father, You do everything for a reason, everything You do has a

purpose. I don’t know what the purpose of this is, but may you be

glorified in all this!

And I kept repeating this. It was the only thing that kept me from getting angry at myself, or worse yet, God for letting this happen – again. This isn’t the first time nor the second that lambing has gone bad. For the past 6 out of 7 years something has gone wrong, way wrong.

In my reading, the verses that jumped out at me the most were these ones…

“When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,

the moon and stars that you set in place -

what are mere mortals, that you concern yourself with them;

humans, that you watch over them with such care?”

Psalm 8:4-5

and Psalm 23, mostly verse 4

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will

fear no evil, for you are with me.”

Psalm 23:4

A little later Mom and I were talking and praying for Tiffany. “If God wants her lamb to live, He’ll make it happen, we just need to trust that he will.”

I didn’t go down to the barn at all that night, and Curtis fed the sheep this morning for me. I couldn’t do it, emotionally it was too much for me. I knew that if I went down there, everything from yesterday would come back and I would be down there crying for a long time. I thought that her lambs were dead and that she was going to die soon, and that is hard for me to take, especially since I had invested two years of my life into her.

Mom went to work with me this morning. After being mauled by one of the cows at work late April last year, and then the wreck with my horse a week later that should have killed me (literally), and other injuries, my body is in pretty rough shape. Mom has been telling me for a while that I need to find a new job and quit milking, because that is doing more harm to my body that it’s worth. But, being thick headed and loving my job, I haven’t. That is, until today. This afternoon I called my boss and talked to him about quitting. He really didn’t want me to, but understood that if I can’t continue to milk, then I can’t continue to milk. I used to babysit their kids, then they asked if I wanted to milk the cows; it’s been a real blessing working for that family.

This evening was my last shift in the parlor. I was kind of upset until…

Dad came into the parlor and started talking to Mom. I didn’t really think anything of it. Then Mom told me that I needed to go check on the sheep, that Keeley (another one of my ewes) was lambing. Great, not now! She isn’t due for another 2 weeks! Last year she did the same thing, lambed early and both lambs died because they were premature. I forgot that Dad doesn’t really know which sheep is which. haha!

It wasn’t Keeley!

Tiffany was lambing! Dad had gone down to water the sheep, he just figured that they might be able to use some more water. Tiffany was lambing, on her own! He ended up calling Curtis, and he told him to pull the lamb. The lamb was alive! So he came to get me from work, thankfully work is just down the road from the house! I only had a few minutes to check on the ewe, but she looked pretty good and the lamb was moving around. My first thought was “Baruch HaShem, Blessed are you, LORD! Your compassion is never exhausted!” Then I had to go back to work. I explained everything to Mom, she was so excited that she almost cried, then she had to call her friend in WI and just “Oh my gosh, you’ll never believe this!” Both Mom and I were so happy and utterly shocked, all we could think to say was “Baruch HaShem, I’m sorry for doubting you Abba”

When we FINALLY got home, which felt like it took forever, we went down to the barn. The ewe lamb was doing pretty good, but Tiffany was looking pretty bad. I gave her some Penicillin and Vit. B, and she perked up a bit. I tried to get the lamb to suck, but that wasn’t working. So I milked Tiffany into a bottle and fed her that way. She ate quite a bit! Then Mom and I went up to the house for a little while, ate something for dinner, then I went back down to the barn to put up a heat lamp. Guess what? Tiffany had twins! The second lamb, though, was a big one, and dead. But the ewe is doing alright. She’s absolutely wasted, and when I left her at about 9:45 tonight, she was laying down with her baby, out like a light. Sleep well, my girl, you need it.

 After all this, I’ve decided to name her Emunah אמונה meaning Faith or Faithful.

“When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,

the moon and stars that you set in place -

what are mere mortals, that you concern yourself with them;

humans, that you watch over them with such care?”

Psalm 8: 4-5

“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.”

P.S.
After writing this, early the next morning, I found that Emunah had died during the night. Tiffany was also lost a few days later. This hurt me greatly, for each of my animals are very dear to me. But, knowing that Abba has a plan for everything that happens gives me hope and strength to carry on. I'm not sure why all this happened, but there is a reason. Maybe I will see it later in life, maybe not. The point is to not lose faith, even during a dark and painful time.

History of Hanukkah

This is what I wrote about the history of Hanukkah. I was in a bit of a hurry, so it might be a little rough still. The miracle of the oil doesn't appear in the history until a few hundred years later, so I didn't mention that. It's a tradition, so I'll hit that another time when I hit the rest of the traditions. :)

Alexander the Great had conquered a very large territory, and called it the Greek Empire. When he died, he split his empire into kingdoms and made his closest friends and advisors kings. About 2 generations later, Antiochus III ruled the Syrian kingdom. This territory included Israel. We left him alone, and for the most part, he left us alone. It was like this for a long time. Then in the year 3586/175BCE king Antiochus III died and his son, Antiochus IV ruled in his place. Antiochus IV, or Antiochus Epiphanies, was a wicked man, and hated the way his father treated us, thinking he was too kind to us.

At this time, there were some Hebrews who abandoned the Torah of Moshe and mislead the rest of the people of Israel by saying “Let’s make a treaty with the surrounding nations. Ever since we’ve separated ourselves from them, we’ve had nothing but trouble.” This was the first compromise of the story.

Any of this sound familiar? Maybe we should learn from the story of Hanukkah and not make any kind of treaty with the surrounding nations. For when Joshua made a covenant with the descendants of Gibeon and did not seek the counsel of HaShem, did not Haman come from that line? Did he not try to raise to power and kill the Jews? Ever since we’ve separated ourselves from them, we’ve had nothing but trouble. We didn’t separate ourselves, HaShem set us apart from the nations. We’ve not had to make a treaty with any other nation, because HaShem is our shield, He protects us and leads us. We’ve had trouble because the nations see that HaShem has chosen us, and it’s jealousy which turns to hatred that is why we’ve taken the brunt of their anger.

When Antiochus had a firm grip on his kingdom in Syria, he decided that he wanted to rule the Egyptian kingdom in addition to what he had. So he left Syria and traveled down to Egypt, invaded and took over. On his way back, he entered Israel and attacked Jerusalem. He stripped the Temple of everything of worth, murdered thousands of people and left, going back to his place in Syria to brag about all that he had done.This was the first desecration of the Temple committed by Antiochus IV. Wherever the people of Israel lived, they mourned.

Shortly after the desecration of the Temple, Antiochus wrote to all the nations in his kingdom saying that everyone has to give up their traditions, and specifically to us he said that we must not do what the Torah tells us, but to do the exact opposite. Build altars in illegal places to false gods, sacrifice pigs and other unclean animals on the altar, work on Shabbat, not circumcise our sons, and so on. There were many who abandoned Torah and joined themselves to these foreign officials. These people were known as Helenists. There were also many people who refused to compromise, who refused to abandon the Torah and do as the king had ordered, and were slaughtered the hands of an uncircumcised people.

There was a man named Mattathias, who had moved away from the more intense persecution in Jerusalem, to the city of Modein. Mattathias had five sons: John, Simon, Judas called the Maccabee, Eleazar, and Jonathan. One of the kings officials came to Modein and were trying to force us to abandon our religion and sacrifice to false gods. They came to Mattathias and said, “You’re a highly respected leader in this city, and you have the support of your sons and relatives. Be the first to come forward and do what the king has ordered. Be like all the people in the other nations... Then you and your sons will receive the title ‘Friend of the King.’ You will be honored with silver, gold, and many other gifts.”

Sound like the voice of the deceiver to you? That convincing, “You know, if you do this one thing, look at all these things you will get!” Things. Stuff. Materialistic garbage. But, that’s the way the world operates. Do this and you’ll get silver, gold, gifts, a title, a name! But. Do this and ruin your reputation before HaShem. Join yourself to them and receive their curses right along with them! What the king’s official was saying to him was Convert or Die! (Remind you of anyone? Greeks, Romans, Crusades, Inquisition, just to name a few.)

Even with these temptations, which to Mattathias weren’t very tempting, he stood strong for HaShem, and would do nothing the official said. He shouted “All the nations in the king’s empire may have obeyed him. They may have chosen to follow his orders by abandoning the religion of their ancestors. But even if they have, my sons, relatives, and I will keep the terms of the promise HaShem made to our ancestors. It’s unthinkable for us to desert our teachings and religious practices. We won’t obey the king’s orders, and we won’t worship in any other way.” He was refusing to compromise. He shouted this proclamation, not just told the guy quietly. He was going to let everyone know that he was not going against what HaShem commanded, and that he will not obey the king’s orders to do so. In a way, he was letting everybody know that he was going to be the army’s next target.

When Mattathias finished speaking, a young Jewish man ran up and intended to slaughter the pig as the king ordered. He was probably thinking that what the official had promised to Mattathias sounded good, and that since Mattathias wasn’t going to do it, that he would and get all that silver, gold, and other reward. But Mattathias was shocked to see this, and being so zealous for HaShem, ran up to the man and killed him there on the altar where he was. He then turned and killed the official and the men with him and tore down the pagan altar. His zeal for HaShem was equated to that of Pinchas haCohen, who killed Zimri in the Tabernacle.

Mattathias then went through the city saying, “Whoever is still devoted to HaShem and His promises, follow me!” With that, he and his sons fled to the mountians, and left everything they owned in the city. This should remind you of the time when Moshe drew the line in the sand and said to Israel, “Whoever is for HaShem, get up and stand with me!” after the golden calf incident.

At that time, Mattathias, his sons, and the group of people who were still devoted to HaShem, were joined by another group of Jewish people called the Hasidim. The Hasidim were the strongest people in Israel, and all of them volunteered for the sake of the Torah. Everyone who had fled because of the persecutions also joined Mattathias. This made their forces stronger, and they organized an army. In their fury they killed those who sinned by not following the Torah and were successful in hunting down foreign officials. Those who survived their attacks fled to the foreigners for safety. This band of ‘rebels’ also went around the countryside tearing down the altars dedicated to false gods.

How devoted are you? Would you get out of a place surrounded my evil, take the others who are devoted with you, and flee to the mountians? Leave everything you own in your house and go? Would you get together a band of rebels with you, kill those who need to be killed (according to HaShem’s standard, not ours), and start tearing down the abominations in the countryside? For the sake of your G-d, His people, His land, His covenants and His promises?

When the time came for Mattathias to die, he said to his sons, “We’re living in disastrous and violent times because arrogant foreigners are treating us with contempt. My children, now is the time for you to show your devotion to HaShem and the Torah. Offer your lives for the sake of the promise HaShem made to our ancestors.” He continued to remind them of what our ancestors did then they were alive. How Avraham proved faithful when he was tested, how Joseph was in a difficult situation and obeyed HaShem’s command, about Pinchas, Moshe, Y’oshua and Calev, David, Eliyahu, Hanahiah, Azariah, and Mishael, and Daniel. He then continued with another very import piece. He said, “So keep in mind that in every generation those who trust HaShem will have the strength they need. Don’t be afraid of a sinful king who threatens you. His honor will come to an end when he dies and his body is covered with manure and worms. Today he may be honored, but tomorrow no one will be able to find him because he will have returned to dust, and his plans will be ruined. My children, be strong and courageous while defending the Torah...”

The way we teach our children is important. We know the history of our ancestors, and the covenants and promises HaShem made with them, and in turn, with us. He promised good things to us if we obey Him. If we obey Him and do his will, we will receive blessings in plenty. But, if we fall into the trap of the enemy and go against HaShem’s will, we will receive curses in plenty. We need to stand up and fight for what we believe.

Antiochus heard about the Maccabees and how they were hunting down those who were trying to force our people to convert, or die. He sent his armies against them and were defeated. This small band of ‘rebels’ killed and beat back quite a large and well trained army, because they were zealous for their faith.

After these battles Judas said to the men with him, “Let’s go up to Jerusalem, and cleanse and re-dedicate the Temple.” This is what they did, and they brought their families with them. When they got there and saw how desecrated the holy place was, they tore their clothes in grief and wept. There were among them a few remaining priests who had lead holy lives and were dedicated to the Torah, and they cleansed the Temple and everything in it. They tore down the now defiled altar, put it’s stones in an unclean place, and built a new altar according to Moshe’s teachings and dedicated it. They made new utensils and brought back the holy items that had been stolen and cleansed and purified them, them put them back in the Temple. On the 25th day of Chislev, the cleansing and rededication had been completed, and normal routine was restored. The people celebrated the rededication for eight days in joy! Everyone was overwhelmingly happy because they had removed the disgrace of Jerusalem.

I’d also like to add in here how Antiochus died. Not for any reason except to learn from his mistakes, and that he seemed to have realized that he had made a mistake. Tehillim says “Don’t rejoice when your enemy falls...”

Antiochus had heard about a city in Persia that was known for it’s vast amounts of riches, and decided to attack and loot the city. But the citizens of the place found out about his plan and resisted him in battle, thus he retreated. While in Persia, a messenger came and told him about how his armies had been slaughtered and beat back by that small band of ‘rebels’ in Israel. Both beatings hit Antiochus hard, and he became very depressed and didn’t get out of bed for many days. He couldn’t get over his depression, and realized that he was about to die. Then he said, “I remembered all the terrible things I did to Jerusalem. I took all its silver and gold utensils. Without any good reason, I sent armies to destroy the people who live in Judea. Now I know that all these things are happening to me because of the terrible things I’ve done. I’m being destroyed by depression in a foreign land.”

It would be advised to learn from this guy’s mistakes, and what he said at the end of his life. If such a wicked man can realize that he’s being destroyed because he was dishonorable to HaShem’s name, then how much more so should we be careful in our lives to respect it.

How committed to your religion, your faith, are you? When the Temple was desecrated the first time by Antiochus, those who were dedicated to the temple, to Torah and HaShem’s promises, the people mourned wherever they lived. When the Maccabees came to cleanse and re-dedicate the Temple and saw how desecrated and defiled it was, they tore their clothes in grief and wept. This time it is on our watch! If you are not actively standing for G-d and his covenants, you are standing against him. The question is - What can we do today?

Harvest 2011, Shiloh revelation

Our trip to Israel this fall was one that G-d used to change and solidify many things in my life. I don’t know how I’m going to get it all down in writing, but I’ll give it a shot. It might be that you are struggling with some of the same things that I was, and it is my prayer that HaShem may use this to help you too.

We went to Israel with HaYovel to help the farmers in Judea and the Shomron (Samaria), the area some people refer to as the “West Bank”. I’ll write about that later. We brought in 304 tons grapes for a number of wineries, helped harvest olives and pomegranates, worked on the Archeological dig in Shiloh, and did some touring. We actually lived in an Orthodox Jewish community in the Shomron for 2 months. It was so good.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always known that G-d is real, He works in real ways and helps real people. He is the G-d of our fathers Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the G-d who made covenants with His people who He redeemed. I could see the things that He has done for His people. I could keep going, but you get the point. But even though I knew this, I still didn’t feel it. Sometimes, the enemy got a foothold and I struggled with “Is this really real?”. Doubt. Fear. Unloving. All that ick. 3 days after we arrived in Israel, the group toured Shiloh, specifically the site where the Tabernacle stood for 369 years. We were given time to pray and seek HaShem. I has been praying “Father please, show me that you love me, in a way that I’ll know that I know that I know. I know that you’re there, but I’m struggling and I need you to show me.” There I felt His presence. It was real. It was almost as if He was saying “I love you, my daughter. I am here.” That was all I needed. That doubt, fear, unloving, all of that just fled away! I know He is there, He is real, I am His. And I feel it. It’s not just that I know it, because I’ve always known it. It’s that need people seem to have to now just know it in their head, but to feel it and know it with every fiber of their being. That was me, that is me. I asked and HaShem granted that, revelation I guess you could call it.

That was really just the beginning of what happened there. I’m going to keep writing about our journey there, so much happened in those 2 months we were there! It may take a little while though, so please be patient. I will put my experiences to writing as they come up.

A New Blogging Journey

The reason I started this blog is partly because I like to write, and partly because I like to have all my writings in one place so I can go back to them later. I do have another blog, but it is mainly for farm news and reviews. My faith and walk with HaShem is in everything I do, but I wanted to have a separate place to put my thoughts about my walk. Somewhere where I could write down my thoughts about my faith and not tie it into my farm work all the time. I will from time to time write about things HaShem is revealing to me while I'm working, but the work is not my primary focus. G-d is.

The majority of the posts here will probably be ramblings and musings, with something funny thrown in there just to mix it up a bit. The festivals are joyous times, why shouldn't we mix it up a bit?